My significant other and I have been together for almost a year now and we still have those so-cute-you-want-to-gouge-your-eyes-out arguments over the phone every night about who loves the other more (clearly me, of course), but like every relationship we hold our obstacles. Two main obstacles for our specific relationship is that he is much older than me, and that he’s white. Today, I will address our racial differences.
To my family’s surprise, I have been very happy with my partner and he with me. My dad’s first questions to me were “Why don’t you date a black guy? Do you hate your culture?” On the contrary, I love my culture, and finding out more about where I come from all the time. I spend a lot of my time on campus in minority-designated spaces because that’s what makes me the most comfortable. I relish in the melanin that my skin holds. But to answer my father’s first question, I am going to date who I am attracted to, regardless of race or culture. What I am NOT attracted to includes anyone who comes up to me without being respectful and introducing themselves to me if they want to pursue a conversation (all I’m asking is for a little respect! Just a little bit!). And why would I close myself off and wait for some hot black guy to come up to me when I have a mutual connection with someone who is from a different race? I want happiness, and I can’t limit my happiness to the melanin that one holds, other than my own. I’m not basing my happiness off the color of my partner’s skin.
Us being together has had those moments. Like when we went to Walmart a month ago and my partner stuck out like a sore thumb as one of the only white men in the store who isn’t an employee. Or that look a few of my black friends gave when they saw me showing him around campus one night. Or even the look that some of his family members and friends gave me when they first met me. These moments happen, because we are different, and not the normal couple. But when we first started this relationship, we agreed to not let other people affect our relationship. It’s something between us, not the world. Which is why I don’t post anything about him and our relationship on Facebook, but that’s another post.
Our relationship is not unique. We are not the first nor last interracial couple in any way, and that comforts me, knowing that we have more than just us to go to for advice. It get hard sometimes. One of my friends on Facebook is in the same situation with her long term relationship, and now that he plays college football, she has gotten a lot of people attacking their relationship, the validity of it, and the reasons behind it. She has been a lot more vocal about her relationship, and she has received a lot of support. I get a lot of people who just assume that my boyfriend is my sugar daddy, or that he just uses me for sex, just because my race is different than his. My race doesn’t invalidate my relationships whatsoever. My relationship is just as valid as the next one, and to speculate on that is foolish. Instead of focusing on how our colors don’t match, instead, focus on how we treat each other. We get into arguments like every other person, but I know that we are both invested in this relationship enough to want to preserve our relationship. I know that I don’t have to worry about him cheating or him not having his shit together. I don’t play games and neither does he. I have expressed myself in regards to how I wish to be treated and he has respected me. My partner is mine, and as long as I am treated with the respect that I know I deserve, I don’t worry that skin is much lighter than mine.
Race does come up in our relationship, but it’s our willingness to learn and grow as a couple that keeps us together. Our relationship and the equality within it is what motivates me to fight for that justice everywhere.
What are your experiences with interracial dating? Leave me a comment and thanks for reading!