Bruh, Your Misogyny is Not Cute

I’ve been seeing this a lot, and I’ve discussed the slightly on my blogs, but I’m going to Address this more directly. As a young black woman I have and continue to fight issues that pertain to race, culture, sexuality, and gender as they pertain to me. And throughout my life, especially now, I get checked a lpt, which is definitely appropriate sometimes, as I know I am human and I may be ignorant to certain topics. And I welcome that, despite being wrong, because I know that my words and actions will cease to be a burden on someone and maybe become a tool to help build someone up. If my words that I put on this blog or into this world are wrong, then that’s because I am human, I am wrong sometimes, and I stand to be corrected. Which is why I will welcome comments, because it gets a dialogue going. But a lot of the topics I touch on come from my experience,  my education, and my research,  which never ends. My major revolves around the the history of Othered people, which means I discuss that and issues surrounding racism-white supremacy and white provilege. I study this every day, which means I am still learning.

But so often, instead of getting properly checked, which, as I said before, is fine so long as it’s coming from a place from knowledge, experience, and a different vantage point. But constantly, I’m told that my views are invalid, my words are u necessary or excessive because I am simply being an angry black woman and need to just calm down. This is where the issue begins on so many levels.

Misogyny: dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women

A lot of forms of racism and hatred in general are perceived as being a conscious thing. What people don’t know and/or hate to realize is that these forms of hatred are ingrained into people. As in, it has long been programmed into people for so long that they no longer realized when something that doesn’t need to take place is actually taking place (have you seen the Matrix? I’ll write a post about it later). Misogyny in general is bad enough as is. It’s having a boy picked over a girl in class because “boys get the job done better.” It’s being told “women are too emotional.” It’s having a professor or academic advisor telling you that you would be best off taking another major or going into a different area of concentration because the major is “better fit for men.” It’s seeing men continue to get the lead roles that play very strong, masculine archetypes, while watching women who take on lead roles get paid less and get out into very soft or more subjective roles. Misogyny is not cool, and it’s very backwards. But add race into this and it’s a whole different dimension.

Black misogyny is far from new. It takes over a lot of the black community and I and other black women face it everyday. And all too often, as a black woman, I have faced a lot of criticism for not cooking, cleaning, and doing other “duties that women should know how to do.” My grandfather has actually told me a long with my mother have actually told me that the only way I’ll be able to catch a man if I know how to cook and clean. I have gotten to the point where I decided to cook on my own terms and not for the benefit of a man. It has been drilled into black women’s heads that it is our job to look and cater to the men because the men work hard all day and exhausted themselves. As a partnerit is my job to care for you, but I am not your maid or caretaker, which is implicitly thought. If I’m going to cater to you, that’s fine, because I want to because I love you, but as a partner in a relationship, we need to both contribute to each other. In addition, I’ve seen men get upset because black women are “uppity”,”ignorant”, and “Too hardheaded.” I love my black brothers, strong and powerful, but those aren’t the black guys who have approached me, so I can’t speak too much about that because I have experienced is that I’ve often talked to a nice black brother and we just been talking, moving slowly, and all of a sudden he expects me to live in and clean after him and cook for him and prove my sexual prowess. If I’m in a relationship, I generally want to move slower so I get a chance to get to know someone, and as a young woman I shouldn’t be pressured. And as a young woman, if I get into a relationship, I expect you to be able to clean up after yourself because we ate both adults. I am not in a relationship to cook and clean for you.

I’ve had men tell me I’m too haughty because of my education. I’ve been told that my education is simply making me seem like I’m better than other people, and I’ve been hushed when men discuss social issues. We’ve seen it again and again in the social activist movements in the black community where the black women are constantly educating themselves and then continue to organize protests, meetibgs, groups, you name it. Yet when we get to these movements, the lives of black women and LGBTQIA+ black people are often silenced, despite them making up half of the population. So many people, including black men, become so intimidated by strong, black women that they start turning on the women, degrading them and calling them fake for coming into consciousness. Yet men are welcomed into the fold of wokenesss. Instead of getting scared of the power of the black woman, how about embracing the fact that they love themselves and have the capacity to educate themselves on issues that affect them.

I get this from people of all races and genders that I’m just an “angry black woman.” Black women in general are at the bottom of the social hierarchy that we are in, and adding other marginalized labels sinks you even lower. As a poor, young, queer black woman I am marginalized five times over, which puts me at a much lower place than others. I have been at that point of oppression, dehumanization, and doubt, and you try to police my thoughts and say that isn’t a good reason to get angry?

Misogyny, especially in the black community, is not cute. As an educated young woman, I’m doing the best I can to live my life. We cannot have a movement about Black Lives Matter, when the men who are taking charge hate half the population in this movement. We need to realize that the death of one black person, regardless of sexual orientation or gender, is still a black life, and that their lives matter just as much as black men.

There is so much more to say, so this is not the last time I will speak of this, so I will continue to read about this and gain more knowledge. What are your experiences with misogyny? Let me know in the comments. Thanks for reading!



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